G minus 13

What a hectic few days this has been!

I expected packing up and closing off my private clients to be not quite as hectic as they turned out to be, and can only breathe a sigh of relief that the clients are over with except to be paid for my efforts, and the packing up is more or less completed for the major items.

To officially mark the end of my sojourn in Kingston, I went out to dinner with my closest female friends in Kingston.  There are only two of them, as such it was a small but enjoyable dinner that was had.  Of course, in keeping with the tradition G and I established, we went to have sushi, because that is what we do when he is leaving for Canada.  Now that I am the one doing the leaving, my friends and I did the same.

Along with dinner, I left my friends with small tokens to keep as reminders of me.  For one, a small book of practical advice for every woman; for the other, a book journal to record all the books she is reading, from one reader to another.  I will be able to look back and say, how cool was it that we could do that?  Very cool.

Tonight is my last night in this apartment, tomorrow night I fall asleep in my mother's house.  I have lived here for 19 months, and of all the addresses I had in Kingston, it will remain my favourite.  No, it wasn't the best apartment, but it certainly was the most conveniently located, and the one I felt safest going to and from.  I had the least issues here, and really few things annoyed me, and now they are of no consequence.  I am looking forward to my new address, but will remember this one fondly.

I am moving again.  In the eighteen years since I became an adult (legally, anyhow), I have had twice as many addresses as I did in the previous eighteen years.  I am obviously something of a rolling stone.  I have always been willing to pull up stakes and move to the next place in the hope that I will find something better than obtained in the last place.  In some cases, it was work, in other cases it was quality of life.

One more appointment and some bill paying tomorrow, then off to the West!

I will be honest, it feels like time has got roller-skates on after crawling along for months!  I have a long list of things to sort out to be ready to leave and at first it seemed like the time we allowed ourselves was more than enough.  But since last week the days have been speeding along, and as I tick things off the list one by one, I feel the time looming ahead.  Not looming in an ominous sense, but as if I should have allowed myself more and this is not enough and everything that needs to won't get done!  Meh, I am sure it will be all done.

I am just feeling weird, I guess.  I cancelled my utilities yesterday, and today I give my landlord notice.  I feel like I am chopping loose all my "mooring lines", all the things that keep me anchored to my life as I know it, and that I will float far away to a place I don't know and a life I don't know and it's all very scary for someone who has tried to maintain a lot of control over her life.

I know I made these choices, but somehow that is not comforting all of my fear away.  I am trying to take things one step at a time, so I don't feel like I am losing control, but it is harder than I thought not to be scared.  I'm not afraid  of what life will be like with G in Canada, I suspect it won't be all that different from what life is like with G in Jamaica, in terms of our routines and the things we do.  While the general outline will be the same, all the details will be different, and that I suppose is what is causing my fears.

It won't be doing groceries at Michi's, or Brooklyn Supermarket..it will be groceries at...hmm, I don't know the name of the supermarket.  I don't know the name of the pharmacy where I will get my supplies.  I know our house, and where it is and what inside looks like, it's everything around it that I know very little about.

I have decided to start watching a lot of Canadian TV, because I do get some channels here.  I need to immerse myself in Canadian things as much as I can, so I will be used to it already to some extent, so when I flip the TV on, the shows and the news anchors I see will not be utterly unfamiliar.  I'm also getting in the frame of mind of living with my husband again, so it will be natural to have others in the house after almost a year of living alone again.  I'm sure I'll think of more things I can do to mitigate these feelings as the day goes on.