I will be honest, it feels like time has got roller-skates on after crawling along for months!  I have a long list of things to sort out to be ready to leave and at first it seemed like the time we allowed ourselves was more than enough.  But since last week the days have been speeding along, and as I tick things off the list one by one, I feel the time looming ahead.  Not looming in an ominous sense, but as if I should have allowed myself more and this is not enough and everything that needs to won't get done!  Meh, I am sure it will be all done.

I am just feeling weird, I guess.  I cancelled my utilities yesterday, and today I give my landlord notice.  I feel like I am chopping loose all my "mooring lines", all the things that keep me anchored to my life as I know it, and that I will float far away to a place I don't know and a life I don't know and it's all very scary for someone who has tried to maintain a lot of control over her life.

I know I made these choices, but somehow that is not comforting all of my fear away.  I am trying to take things one step at a time, so I don't feel like I am losing control, but it is harder than I thought not to be scared.  I'm not afraid  of what life will be like with G in Canada, I suspect it won't be all that different from what life is like with G in Jamaica, in terms of our routines and the things we do.  While the general outline will be the same, all the details will be different, and that I suppose is what is causing my fears.

It won't be doing groceries at Michi's, or Brooklyn Supermarket..it will be groceries at...hmm, I don't know the name of the supermarket.  I don't know the name of the pharmacy where I will get my supplies.  I know our house, and where it is and what inside looks like, it's everything around it that I know very little about.

I have decided to start watching a lot of Canadian TV, because I do get some channels here.  I need to immerse myself in Canadian things as much as I can, so I will be used to it already to some extent, so when I flip the TV on, the shows and the news anchors I see will not be utterly unfamiliar.  I'm also getting in the frame of mind of living with my husband again, so it will be natural to have others in the house after almost a year of living alone again.  I'm sure I'll think of more things I can do to mitigate these feelings as the day goes on.

Got it!

I picked up my passport today, complete with immigrant visa.  Wow, OK, now I'm excited.  I get to go home to my husband! YES!! I want to laugh, and cry, and sigh in relief that this part of the journey, 14 months in the traveling, is now over.

I started the next phase of the journey, which will be much shorter, by handing in my resignation today.  I have resigned from five jobs in my career to date, and this was the only one I ever regretted handing in.  All my other jobs I knew it was time to walk away, for one reason or another.  This one...it will be hard to go.  I have been learning, it is a good team, and they have all expressed happiness for me, but it only makes it harder to leave them, seeing them so happy for me although I leave them.

The next 5 weeks will be concentrated around packing up and getting ready to move back to Westmoreland.  There's not much to pack up, but what there is needs to be boxed up and wrapped up where necessary.  They have things arranged on that side, my Mom and brother, so it's just for me to be ready for them when they get here.  Next week I give notice to my landlord and the utility companies, and purchase wrapping and maybe get some boxes for my books.  Or maybe one of those barrels...if one can be had this side of the Atlantic, LOL.

Once back in Westmoreland, it's a week and a half to spend with Mom, just be at home, and then off to be with G.  Wow, OK, I'm excited!!

Almost there...

I fully expected to be writing this post next week, but here I am, writing it tonight.  The High Commission called today, my visa is ready, I can collect my passport next Tuesday.  Wow!  One month I am coasting along and nothing much is happening and I am counting time in months...next month things are happening in the snap of a finger and I am counting in weeks and days!

My tickets are booked, G got those done this week.  Arrangements are being made for my Mom and brother to collect me and my belongings from Kingston and return us to Westmoreland, but those are yet to be finalized apart from the date.  My Grandmother will be here to see me off, and I am very happy about that.

Wow, I hear a clock ticking.  I am excited, at last.  I cannot wait to be home with my husband, I am excited by the idea that we will wake up together again and neither he nor I will have to leave each other, except for work.   It has been quite a wait, and our separation these past months means we have a lot of time to make for.  I plan to take at least a couple of weeks to do nothing more than live with my husband, enjoy all the little things we have been missing, and acclimatize to my new environment.

Back to waiting

It'll be a week tomorrow since I turned in my PP to the High Commission for the insertion of my permanent resident visa.  I estimate another 1-2 weeks wait for them to get around to doing so and contacting me to return to pick it up, since this past week included two statutory holidays.

In the meanwhile, I finally began making all those lists I needed to make to guide my activities over the coming weeks as I prepare to move.  First, I prepared a list of the lists I needed to prepare.  Yes, I am mildly OCD about the lists, I suppose I could have just leaped into the process, but first I wanted to ensure I was considering everything I needed to do.  I then proceeded to mis-place that list and give myself a mild panic attack as I searched for it, believing I simply had to find THAT ONE rather than make a new one.  I did eventually relocate it, but my BP did spike there for about half an hour.

So I found the list of lists, and began making each list.  I have so far fleshed out lists on the clothes I will be taking with me, what furniture I own and how I will dispose of them, what books from my collection I plan to take with me, what happens to my kitchen things, who in Canada I plan to purchase souvenirs for, what I need to do regarding my lease and utilities, and what I will do regarding my various work commitments. *whew*  I have a lot to do!

Still, there is time, as I am allowing work commitments to dictate most of my movements.  I want to leave with a clear work record, I have worked hard for the trust clients and employers put in me, I want to ensure that when I go, they keep a good memory of me, and that if needed they are willing to recommend me to new employers in Canada.

In the meanwhile, I am also spending time with family and friends and Jamaica as much as possible.  This weekend I managed to get in time with my closest friend in Kingston, drive around the north and south coasts of Jamaica, and spend valuable time with my Mom and younger brother in Negril.  I needed this time, I enjoyed my activities without the parting sadness I know will accompany my next trip to Westmoreland.