Immigration and marriage failure

A recurring theme in the immigration forum lately has been the failure of relationships due to the stresses and strains put on the relationships by the immigration process. 

The distance between spouses can be enormous sometimes, and it can be compounded by the inevitable misunderstandings generated by not being able to see someone or hear their intonations when communicating via telephone and email.  I have been determined that we will avoid such pitfalls by learning from the hard lessons of others.

G and I mainly use computer methods, i.e. MSN and the Social Lounge (chat room function) of our website.  He has never been fond of the telephone since I've known him, and I tend mainly to use it as a track-him-down method when the other two fail to get a response.  Earlier in the year it was also a habit to call him and wish him a good day first thing in the morning before leaving for work, but since being self-employed I have not done so. 

What with my working more-or-less regular hours lately, and him working not-so-regular ones on the website, it can sometimes be hard to make time for each other.  While we are in contact via the Social Lounge, it's hardly possible for such conversations to be intimate or personal, as others are observing or participating.  In recognition of that, and the feeling of deprivation I had been feeling lately, I requested that we set aside time just to talk one on one via video messaging.

I have a horror of the 2,000 miles between us currently manifesting itself in tangible ways such as arguments or, worse, complete silence.  As my best friend, I turn to him to rant, discuss or just talk about things, and I need to know we can still do that with no-one else around.  Last night we turned the cameras on, turned the websites off, and just talked for a bit, especially about our furry children.  I watched him bottle feed the Jack Russell terrier puppy and play with the Great Dane "adolescent" as he calls her.  It was good just to be doing nothing more than being together.

As the time wears on, we know nothing about the processing of our application, how far along it is, what remains to be done, nothing.  We can only wait.  More than anything, it's important to me that we keep our marriage working as best we can while we wait.  We have to do things together and spend time together alone.  We've been apart for going on 3 months now, and don't know when again we'll be together, so our efforts towards spending time together have to be conscious and planned to prevent the literal distance between us growing into emotional distance.  We made this choice to go through this immigration process, I won't be one of those people blaming it for a failing relationship.